How am my insides falling apart? How much more broken can one person be?

Wow dude. I can’t handle this now, imagine when summer comes.

So I went through some old text posts on this thing. I feel the need to write now. Senior year is coming to a close. SO much has happened this year. I didn’t go into this year expecting any of this to happen. I’ve had my mishaps here and there, but this..was something else. I literally broke every rule I’ve ever set for myself, changed up my thoughts, morals, aspirations. Everything. I never knew I had it in me. Hurt this year has not been a distance thing. Indeed, hurting is inevitable. This kind of hurting has cut deep and made me realize how much one can actually take before they reach their breaking point. I’ve met mine, I’m not sure how I’ll return to sanity. I want to, but now sanity almost seems unattainable and unrealistic. I miss the state of clarity, sanity, serenity. So much to do with myself before I start college. I need to do justice to myself. I know all I can be, I just somehow have to get myself there. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

hell week is here and it’s only a matter of days before in the heights is over. it’s not even the show being over that bothers me.. It’s the fact that this is my last hs school and that I’ll never be able to perform on a highschool stage ever again. I’ll miss the bonds made..the tears.. The stress because they all made me who I am today. There’s nothing like the experience of musical theatre. It is truly life changing, self expressive, and something I will cherish for as long as I live.

I’ve had so many bad days, I don’t remember what a good day feels like.

I do almost everything without feeling or emotion, until I look into someone’s eyes. At that instant, there is usually some type of emotion that runs through my body. It’s funny how this started off as nothing serious, and then I looked into your eyes and felt it, felt you.